The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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