butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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