so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
