you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
