I'm so fucking centered right now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
