its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
