guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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