Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
