I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
