I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
