2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
