I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
