It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
