are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
