Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
