I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
