i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
