Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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