if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
