So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
