he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i now understand why vodka
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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