My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
