Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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