why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
