Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
