**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
