The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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