i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
