I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
