Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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