That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
