You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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