Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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