Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
