ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
