I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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