Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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