I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
