if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
