At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
