he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
