I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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