was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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