watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
