her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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