I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
