SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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