..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
