wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
