I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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